When I started to put in motion plans for this change, I was clear about two things: I wanted to travel and I would take a year off from organized, structured work. I would embark on a gap year. I was half way to 60 when I made this decision.
I envisioned a gap year in which I enjoyed myself and time with my husband, traveled to beautiful, interesting places, and figured out this next phase, the phase some financial advisors call "The Go-Go Years." Sounds good, doesn't it?
Travel we did, by ship, by plane, by car, by ferry, by train, by bike, by bus and by foot. All was good with travel. And we continue to travel.
Figuring out a plan for the next phase? Well, that's more of a muddle.
It seemed a part of my mind was at odds with selecting a path. Like an adolescent who can't decide on a college, a major, a girlfriend or boyfriend (take your pick) or a young adult who can't decide on a career path, job choice.......my brain and I entered the adolescent-like world of endless options, zero decisions.
"May be we should move to Puglia, Italy," I'd excitedly (or anxiously depending on one's perspective) tell my husband. "Here, read this blog about this couple who moved there."
The next day I'd have a new plan. "Perhaps we should buy a small camper van and for the next five years, we could drive around the US." "Whataya think?"
To my brain, the options were limitless.
One day I might be ready to board a cruise ship for an extended voyage and the next I'd consider moving to a small farm, where perhaps we could raise llamas. Or pigs. Some days I came up with two quite dissimilar and even competing plans. My brain gave little consideration to the probability of any one option working out or really being what I wanted (as if I knew). All this extra thinking yielded less focus and more disorganization. I became discombobulated, misplacing stuff, spacing out, alternating between racing about and sitting inertly for long stretches. I found the inner-workings of my brain fascinating and would have enjoyed the exploration had it not been my brain and my life.
I finally figured out that I needed to, if not enjoy the ride completely, at least accept the process. Big transitions require time to sort themselves out. Giving myself and my brain some space to take in the experience could yield a plan or perhaps plans.
Gap year lesson -- don't live with pressure; this can be a time to let life unfold.
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