Part III -- How Am I Doing?

Figuring out a new daily life (and activities)  --  We moved from Chicago to a small town in the west. This means that we've been building our new lives from scratch which is quite a different experience from folks who retire where they've lived. Constructing a new life is a process, takes lots of time, and especially takes effort. We'll be tweaking our lives, adding, subtracting, all that for some time to come. I think of this phase like dating -- lots of trial and error, experimenting, drawing upon what you know works for you mixed in with lots of risk-taking

So far, I've figured out I'm more a poker playing kind of girl than a bridge player.   Actually, I'd play any board game rather than bridge.

Right now, any activity with too much structure makes me want to bolt. Chairs lined up old fashioned lecture-hall style at Osher Life Long Learning Center caused me to do a fast and fancy night-club two step right out the door without any thoughts of looking back. Granted my quick escape is partially rooted in having completed a fair amount of graduate education and thus having sat through lots of academic classes. At this stage I'm not interested in someone lecturing at me. Lots of better ways exist for learning. I'm all about having experiences.

However, I've found that taking fun, active classes is an excellent way to sort through, in an experienced based way what I like. Dance class -- just ok. Digital photography -- good. Nordic ski lessons fun, active, cold, and painful!  The basic skills in kayaking course sealed the deal in terms of "Do we like this enough to fork over the money for kayaking gear?"  We did and we did. See pretty photo of shiny kayaks hanging and another thank you to Gregg for hanging the racks.

I'm just plain not ready to undertake a new long term work commitment. I've deflected professional opportunities because I'm simply not ready to do what others want. If I took a job, secretly, I know I probably would just not show up.

As much as I love dogs and devotedly cared for three different ones over 28 years, right now I satisfy my doggie care taking need by dog sitting our niece/nephew's 80 pound furry ball of love, Lily (see commitment issues explained above).

    

     The sweet and lovely Lily.

Joining a weekly hiking/walking group, a monthly book club, attending wine drinking socials has yielded interesting new connections and budding friendships. But more is in the works for building a sense of community. The summer has been packed with music. We've seen The Dobbie Brothers and Pink Martini in Bend and took a road trip to Eugene to see the still fab Jackson Browne. We've enjoyed local groups like The Moonlight Ramblers and Honey Don't all around town.

More to Come -- Travel -- Right now most other activities take a back seat to travel and experiencing the world. Trips to see the wonders of Peru and the jungles of the Osa Pennisula in Costa Rica, new locales for us, are on the books. The Go-Go Years are precious and not to be wasted. But in the future, I can imagine volunteering, perhaps finding some kind of work, writing more.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS

The easiest fix for a life is to work. Work provides identity, money, work relationships, structure, purpose and more. I decided that for two years, working was not option because I wanted to push myself to build a life beyond work, to settle in and that takes time and effort. I gave myself good advice.

Other advice I've given to me -- process the disappointments. If you didn't think disappointments were part of post-work life, think again. They are part of all lives. Might be disappointments with others, yourself, a place, your vision of how you thought this time would unfold, your aging body....who knows. They are there. Process them and move on. Time is a wasting.

The two concepts that guide my life right now are -- Postpone Nothing and Say "Yes" to Just About Everything (within reason).

Did I ever hanker to play Mah Jong? No, but someone asked if I wanted to learn and I said "Yes."  While I find this an incredibly complicated game that I'll probably always suck at, my "yes" yielded an invitation to lake kayaking and drinks after and discussions about future outings including snowshoeing in the winter. And oddly enough, two of the women also do not have children. Taking chances is powerful. You never know what it will yield.

The most important idea I hold and remind myself of each day is that I'll never have this time again and I'll probably never be healthier than I am now. This holds true for all of you, too.

This week, I hiked twice, including the easier trail at Smith Rock, kayaked, took a Mah Jong lesson, attended a wine event that included couples, joined women for drinks (I see a pattern emerging), cycled with R, and went to the movies. We'll close out the week by dog sitting Lily and listening to music at the High & Dry Bluegrass Festival -- where the niece, nephew, and grandniece will perform. Not bad.

Smith Rock, Oregon

Retirement Journey So Far Part 1: How'd I Do in the First Six and a Half Months?

About 15 months ago, we set off from Chicago on our initial journey into this next life-phase. R was fully retired and I was planning to live a mid-life gap year of fun and adventure. This journey included relocating to the Western part of the U.S., buying a little cottage in Bend, OR., and lots of planned travel varying in levels of adventure.

We've been living in our Bend house now for six and a half months so I'm over due for my six month check in -- to see how retired life is working for me, since I consider these six and a half months my initial retirement. As email-luck would have it, my friends at Vanguard recently sent me the article 5 Things to Think About on Your Journey to Retirement.  Perfect, I thought, I'm in the mood to think and analyze. More than half the article focused on planning basics --  when to start saving, figuring out your savings needs, calculating retirement expenses. Important stuff but not the focus of my six month evaluation. The last section grew more interesting with questions like What's your vision for the (retirement) future? Now we are talking, I thought -- let's start exploring how we want to live our lives. My interest built as I anticipated that the article's last section would help me assess and clarify how my own journey was moving along.

The final section opened with You're living life as a retiree -- finally! Is there anything about your lifestyle that hasn't met your expectations?

Great question, I thought as I read on. I'm ready to think about this.

"About five years after you retire, consider asking yourself whether or not retirement is what you thought it would be...."

Wait! What the f...? Five years? Wait five years to ask this question? Are they nuts?
Suddenly, my friends at Vanguard were not such good friends. Or at least not bright friends. They seemed to be ignoring one of the enormous realities of life -- that unforeseen events happen that can quickly change one's plans -- while at the same time suggesting that one diddle away a fair amount of precious time before evaluating how life is going. From my perspective, this is a big problem.

Let me explain.

As a psychotherapist, I'm a believer in development and developmental phases (infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, etc.) in that life can be roughly and flexibly broken into stages, with attending tasks or events associated with each phase. This idea applies to retirement. Michael Stein, CFP, is often attributed with (though others may have espoused this) the idea that for most people living in retirement follows three separate age related stages -- The Go-Go Years, The Slow-Go Years, and The No-Go Years.  The related ages for each stage are somewhat loosely configured as 

Go-Go Years --ages 55 (or 60 or 65) to mid-70s. These are presumably one's most active and healthy years, when one has lots of get up and go.

Slow-Go Years -- roughly mid- 70s to 85 when for many dashing through retirement 
seems less appealing and health and general aging cause them to slow down.

The No-Go Years -- 85 to ........ when retirees just don't go much. These are more the 
rocking chair on the porch years. Ok I know what some of you are thinking -- you've heard 
stories of people in their 90s running marathons or cycling in the Senior Tour de France, or climbing the Himalayas but those folks are likely exceptions. I've also heard people anticipate their own life expectancies in retirement based on their parents. Some describe how long a parent, an aunt or uncle lived rather than how well they lived in retirement. Quality of life. My own father died at age 84 but I don't think anyone, including him, thought his last six to eight years were his best and most active.

Others never live to see retirement. My mother died at age 55 well before she could retire. I've known plenty of others who died in their mid to late 50s or early 60s never knowing retirement's pleasures. To my way of thinking, arriving at the Go-Go Years is a privilege, probably a gift and one not to waste.

Let's go back to Vanguard's idea that after five years in retirement one evaluate how retirement is progressing. Let's say Ms. Susie B., an attorney, retired at age 65 and following Vanguard's model decided at age 70 to assess her retirement satisfaction. I'm no numbers genius, but seems to me that would give her only five more of the precious Go-Go Years to adjust her course and more fully live her retirement vision. That's not much time, especially after a lifetime of work.

My advice, which is not about finances, is to spend the five years prior to retiring coming to know yourself, figuring out what you want from this phase, and creating your vision of how you want to spend those precious Go-Go Years, knowing that your ideas, wants, needs will probably change and evolve once you live in that phase. And then six months or so into retirement living (not five years!), evaluate your progress so you can adjust if needed to make the most of the 
active, healthy, Go-Go Years.  And periodically, keep assessing your life. You never get 
back any of this time.  Don't waste it.

Next post -- Assessing My Initial Go-Go Years.

Hiking on Orcas Island, WA