"Betwixt and between, that's how I feel. Betwixt and between." I'm saying this to my husband as we stroll around Traverse City, Michigan following a 35 mile bike ride. It is summer, 2013.
"I don't think I've ever used that phrase. But I'm sure that's how I feel." Must be hard feeling that way he says.
"It is. I'm stuck."
I'm not literally stuck the way one might be stuck in gunk. But my decision making is stuck. I'm constantly pondering, considering, turning over in my mind when the right time will be to leave my job and relocate west, closer to the outside activities we love such as cycling, hiking, and closer to friends, and family. Here's the question --when do you know it's time -- to retire? To semi-retire? To make a change?
Some experts might say the decision is based on achieving your number, the amount of money you'll need in retirement. But basing the decision on math alone leaves out all those messy emotional variables.
When my husband was 61 he was pushed toward retirement. Not that he wasn't ready -- he was. He was also sleep deprived and had been working full-time since age 19. Forty-two years is a long time to adhere to someone else's schedule. The company he worked for sold off the small division where he worked. His job was gone. He could have relocated out of state with the new company but since 62 was his target age for retiring, such a move did not make sense. He received some severance and unemployment benefits and the stock market took off. It worked out. But he did not make the decision to retire, the decision was made for him. Making the decision for oneself is different for the responsibility for the outcome resides with the decider. What if I make the wrong call? And then there are all those messy, competing, unexpected feelings.
My decision making swings back and forth. One day, I'm clear that 60 is a perfectly fine age at which to take a break, make a change, move west to where we want to live. Then bam. Back my thinking and emotional system swings to "I'm too young. I'm not ready."
Why does this happen?
The answer is probably different for different people. My guess is that fear plays a big part.
